If you've never had the pleasure of living someplace that has a home-owner's association, I recommend selling your house immediately and doing so. Only people that have enjoyed this type of experience will enjoy this post, so in order to not miss out, call Remax as soon as possible.
Now I don't want to speak too badly of the homeowner's association I'm unwillingly a part of, after all I'm trying to sell soon. I would even like to commend them on their aggressive position on Christmas decorations recently. It shows me that they actually speak to one another during their secret meetings.
For instance, just last week I was approached by one of the few neighbors I can stomach and he reminded me that I was dreadfully close to having my Christmas lights up too long. Our association requires the decor to be removed two weeks after the appropriate holiday and I was one day shy of being in violation.
While I think the nasty letters and reminders in the sporadically issued news bulletins are a bit much, it is nice to know, no matter how convenient, the Condo cops are putting their foot down when it comes to having lights up all year long (sorry redneck women). These masters of conformity have even drawn the line when it comes to parking too close to one side of the parking spot, ticketing those no good slugs with a citation that holds about as much value as Monopoly money.
But I'm still angry!
I won't argue the value of a home-owners association. I mean, who doesn't enjoy the passive aggressive option of tattling on your neighbors to a powerless entity, rather than actually working the problem out? Yet I do take issue with the fact that all winter decoration are apparently labeled "Christmas" decorations. As if two weeks after the 25th of December, winter ends. And, yes, maybe Santa and all his reindeer get a trip to the storage unit, but what about snowflakes and evergreen wreaths? It seems that anything even second-cousin close to Christmas is voted off the island, but where does that leave us?
Luckily, I have identified those items that are allowed, regardless of season. It seems that anything you can find on the clearance rack at your local Cracker Barrel is always welcome. Yes, this includes the famous lazy cowboy leaning against the wall silhouette, any childlike figure urinating, and the bloomers of a bent over maiden.
Other association-approved decor seems to be birdhouses, but not just one. I haven't read it in the rules, but I'm pretty sure if you have birdhouses it has to be in multiples of 5, they have to indicate that you have been to several non-famous vacation landmarks and be in the condition of the bird equivalent to low income housing.
The one that takes the cake, however, is wind-chimes. I have a neighbor that has so many wind-chimes that when we have a storm it actually sounds like a battle of two high school marching bands. I ask myself constantly, 'how can that be approved by the assocaition?!'
This whole time, the answer was right in front of my face. None of the wind-chimes have snowflakes on them.
Now I don't want to speak too badly of the homeowner's association I'm unwillingly a part of, after all I'm trying to sell soon. I would even like to commend them on their aggressive position on Christmas decorations recently. It shows me that they actually speak to one another during their secret meetings.
For instance, just last week I was approached by one of the few neighbors I can stomach and he reminded me that I was dreadfully close to having my Christmas lights up too long. Our association requires the decor to be removed two weeks after the appropriate holiday and I was one day shy of being in violation.
While I think the nasty letters and reminders in the sporadically issued news bulletins are a bit much, it is nice to know, no matter how convenient, the Condo cops are putting their foot down when it comes to having lights up all year long (sorry redneck women). These masters of conformity have even drawn the line when it comes to parking too close to one side of the parking spot, ticketing those no good slugs with a citation that holds about as much value as Monopoly money.
But I'm still angry!
I won't argue the value of a home-owners association. I mean, who doesn't enjoy the passive aggressive option of tattling on your neighbors to a powerless entity, rather than actually working the problem out? Yet I do take issue with the fact that all winter decoration are apparently labeled "Christmas" decorations. As if two weeks after the 25th of December, winter ends. And, yes, maybe Santa and all his reindeer get a trip to the storage unit, but what about snowflakes and evergreen wreaths? It seems that anything even second-cousin close to Christmas is voted off the island, but where does that leave us?
Luckily, I have identified those items that are allowed, regardless of season. It seems that anything you can find on the clearance rack at your local Cracker Barrel is always welcome. Yes, this includes the famous lazy cowboy leaning against the wall silhouette, any childlike figure urinating, and the bloomers of a bent over maiden.
Other association-approved decor seems to be birdhouses, but not just one. I haven't read it in the rules, but I'm pretty sure if you have birdhouses it has to be in multiples of 5, they have to indicate that you have been to several non-famous vacation landmarks and be in the condition of the bird equivalent to low income housing.
The one that takes the cake, however, is wind-chimes. I have a neighbor that has so many wind-chimes that when we have a storm it actually sounds like a battle of two high school marching bands. I ask myself constantly, 'how can that be approved by the assocaition?!'
This whole time, the answer was right in front of my face. None of the wind-chimes have snowflakes on them.
