Selfish Help

This past Sunday at our church service there was pamphlet in the bulletin that advertised a parenting class. The title read, "Learn the Five Parenting Styles" and as an incentive, they said the class could teach you the 'buttons' you have and how to eliminate those buttons, so your children can't push them.

I was speechless. Not just because you're not supposed to talk during church service, but also because as the father of an infant I could use some helpful information like that. I mean, think about it! Wouldn't it be great if I could find out why it is that the incessant screaming of a newborn, every hour on the hour, every single night for months straight was a button of mine? And if I could identify it as a button I could eliminate it, so when my baby cries for all night long and I haven't been able to sleep for more than an hour consecutively in months, I wouldn't even let it bother me. Information like that would be priceless.

Believe or not, it's not priceless. It was only $20 per couple. Now that's what I call a bargain.

Truthfully, I don't think classes about parenting are worthless, or only worth $20 for that matter. In full disclosure, I want to admit that I took part in the "Expected Fathers" class at the hospital my daughter was born.

I took those classes because I needed to educate myself on things I had no prior knowledge of. I thought of it in the same way I would had I taken a class on changing my oil or installing a kitchen sink. The point is, I needed to be educated, so I took a class on it.

But I'm still angry!

Why is it every time you turn around some guy with a bad mustache and southern drawl wants to explain to you that he's figured it all out? Not only have the mysteries of life been cleared up, but even though this whole time you thought life was a challenge, there were only between two and five things you ever needed to worry about. Seriously, didn't you realize that the trouble was men were from Mars and women are made with sugar and spice? That even though you might have trouble finding a date, there are only five 'love languages' and if you answer about six questions online almost every dating website can fix you?

Thank goodness all this has been sorted out now, because without it we would be bumping into each other in our stupidity.

It's also gracious of theses life-guru's to offer their classes or techniques at such an attractive price. My personal favorite is $19.99, it has such a ring to it. I almost hope that the government creates a $19.99 bill. That way when I commit to 5 "easy" payments of it, I can just drop it in the mail.

The fact of the matter is, life is a tough go sometimes and it takes our whole time living it to learn how do deal with it. So the next time someone wants to help me by explaining how easy it is, I'll just help myself.

Work-Life Balance

There's a recent trend with employers to create more of a team-like atmosphere. Gone are the days when you were afraid of your boss and did all you could to avoid interactions with him or her, enter the era where your boss is your friend. No longer will you refer to the person that decides if you walk the unemployment line with a Mr. or Mrs., instead they insist you address the person that didn't give you a raise by their first name.

The reasoning behind this comes from well-funded engagement surveys that indicate if employees are happy and feel like part of a team, they will offer better service to the customer. The predominate method of doing this is team-building exercises.

Extremely high-end companies have been known to send their valued associates to dude ranches where teams will learn to trust one another. Without trusting the entire team, they realize that they won't be able to reach the collective goal. Less budget-friendly shops have had to rely on group lunches and daily outings, which is all well and good.

But I'm still angry!

During a recent staff meeting for my work team, the idea was brought up that we should all have a cook-out on a Saturday evening. Many of the people on the team glowingly spoke of all the fun we could have, the dishes we could bring and the games we could play. Someone even mentioned that the last outing of this nature did wonders for the team, recognizing that we were all family-oriented and had so many similarities.

Not me, I think it's a terrible idea. Sure, my sentiment went over like a lead balloon, but I'm interested in having a job, not being a member of a club. I don't need to be friends with everyone that I work with. As a matter of fact, I think it's foolish to believe that it's an attainable goal. The truth is, as an adult and professional you learn to manage working with people that have vastly different personalities and belief-systems than your own.

And while I think team-building exercises at work are extremely valuable, especially those that advance an employee's professional development, I find it intrusive that a company would schedule my weekend activities.

Forgive me for wanting to be a professional, for wanting to be treated like a professional and treat those I work with as professionals. Forgive me for developing friendships on my own and understanding that there is a identifiable line between my personal life and work life.

In this word of social networking, where our entire identity is thrown into one big bucket, I guess I'm the only one left that appreciates a little work-life balance.