Selfish Help

This past Sunday at our church service there was pamphlet in the bulletin that advertised a parenting class. The title read, "Learn the Five Parenting Styles" and as an incentive, they said the class could teach you the 'buttons' you have and how to eliminate those buttons, so your children can't push them.

I was speechless. Not just because you're not supposed to talk during church service, but also because as the father of an infant I could use some helpful information like that. I mean, think about it! Wouldn't it be great if I could find out why it is that the incessant screaming of a newborn, every hour on the hour, every single night for months straight was a button of mine? And if I could identify it as a button I could eliminate it, so when my baby cries for all night long and I haven't been able to sleep for more than an hour consecutively in months, I wouldn't even let it bother me. Information like that would be priceless.

Believe or not, it's not priceless. It was only $20 per couple. Now that's what I call a bargain.

Truthfully, I don't think classes about parenting are worthless, or only worth $20 for that matter. In full disclosure, I want to admit that I took part in the "Expected Fathers" class at the hospital my daughter was born.

I took those classes because I needed to educate myself on things I had no prior knowledge of. I thought of it in the same way I would had I taken a class on changing my oil or installing a kitchen sink. The point is, I needed to be educated, so I took a class on it.

But I'm still angry!

Why is it every time you turn around some guy with a bad mustache and southern drawl wants to explain to you that he's figured it all out? Not only have the mysteries of life been cleared up, but even though this whole time you thought life was a challenge, there were only between two and five things you ever needed to worry about. Seriously, didn't you realize that the trouble was men were from Mars and women are made with sugar and spice? That even though you might have trouble finding a date, there are only five 'love languages' and if you answer about six questions online almost every dating website can fix you?

Thank goodness all this has been sorted out now, because without it we would be bumping into each other in our stupidity.

It's also gracious of theses life-guru's to offer their classes or techniques at such an attractive price. My personal favorite is $19.99, it has such a ring to it. I almost hope that the government creates a $19.99 bill. That way when I commit to 5 "easy" payments of it, I can just drop it in the mail.

The fact of the matter is, life is a tough go sometimes and it takes our whole time living it to learn how do deal with it. So the next time someone wants to help me by explaining how easy it is, I'll just help myself.